What does the Art of Being Female mean to you( in terms of being a homemaker, a wife and a mother)?
It means living the question: Who Am I? It means learning to listen and noting the difference between conforming our lives to who we think we should be (based on a lifetime of what we’ve been told) versus listening to the truth and wisdom from our deepest knowing. It means becoming still enough to notice the subtle nuances of what I am trying to say to Me.
Tell us about your family…
I’m married to Sumter. We have four daughters: Olive, 18 yrs old; Ailee, 16; Willa, 8, Eleanor, 4 ½. Olive and Ailee come from my previous marriage. It wasn’t always easy, but we’ve worked hard to come together and seek the best in our family circumstance. I’m really grateful for the courage and commitment it took for each member of the family to do his/her part to knit our family together the way we did. It took many years, but we’ve evolved into a unique blended family of four parents with six children. We’ve come to a place where we genuinely enjoy each other in a fun and beautiful way.
Your girls attend Waldorf schooling… Why is that type of education important to you for them?
I believe children must learn to hone in on and listen to the inner voice which tells them what is good and right and true. We seem to have lost that. We’ve come to a place where our children are programmed to (mostly) seek external influences as their main source of guidance instead of developing a reliable internal compass from which to return to
Part of learning to think on their own comes from an environment which supports curiosity, wonder, and awe. It also encourages asking lots of questions; looking at things from all different angles and perspectives; dreaming…. and, if a child so desires, it would support the child to think through how to make that dream come to fruition, as well as help the child develop the will to follow it through to completion. This is the essence of a Waldorf Education. It seeks to develop, within each child, the Hands, the Heart, and the Head. Or, the Will, the Heart, and the Intellect.
I don’t think it’s the only educational system seeking to do this. But because Waldorf philosophy is built upon this as it’s foundation, you really see it within the curriculum and experience it when you observe the work of the children.
Tell us about the social experiments you do…
Whether we notice it or not, everything we say and do and think is somewhat of a social experiment. How we say and do and think something will affect some sort of outcome. I love pondering this. When we first moved into our home, 12 years ago, I wanted to create a feeling of community for my family. At the time, it was just Olive, Ailee, and myself. I wanted to get to know my neighbors. So, I made about 50 flyers and stuck them in mailboxes up and down our street, as well as the streets parallel to us on both sides. I invited these mystery friends to come to our house for a backyard movie and popcorn night. I rented a big screen and popcorn machine. There wasn’t a huge turnout, but I did meet a number of new friends, including my 90 year old next door neighbor who had previously only interacted with us when he needed to make a complaint. That evening, we ended up sharing stories about our lives over glasses of red wine.
Throughout our years of living on Santiago Dr, we attempted various other ‘social experiments’ (although we weren’t intending them as experiments).
My favorite was the way we used our garden as a facilitator of inspiration and connection. For example, after years of tending our roses, I developed a deep connection to gardening, as well as a passion for making our home beautiful by adorning it with things collected from the garden. I used to love making rose ‘scenes’ amongst various vignettes within our home. I’d cut down towering Hybrid Tea roses; and along with the long leggy vines of David Austen roses, I’d create jungle-like arrangements on our white table in the kitchen. The girls loved to collect whatever was growing at the time–figs, passionfruit flowers, a lemon–and add their little touch, as well. Each week, during Spring and Summer, a new squad of blooms would appear, infusing their own unique blend of originality to the space. I loved it so much and it gave our family such joy. I decided I wanted to share this with others who might also feel uplifted by the beauty and magic of a rose. So, on the weekends, we began to set up a table, as if we were running our own boutique Flower Market Stand. We’d fill up buckets and vases with the best, most gorgeous and healthy roses we could find in our garden. The girls would make sure not to miss any last stems. I wanted our Flower Stand to feel abundant, gracious, and welcoming for each person stopping by. We’d roll the table out close to the street and, on a little chalkboard, write: “Extra Garden Roses! Gratis! Please Enjoy!”. At day’s end, we’d bring in the almost empty vases and sense a sweet connection to those who partook in the abundance of the garden. It was a beautiful exchange.
I suppose that was the essence of the ‘‘social experiments’. It’s what we all yearn for… a communion with ourselves, and with others. Sometimes all it takes is ‘experimenting’ with something very subtle; maybe a smile… The other day I wondered to myself what would happen if I added just an extra sparkle to my eyes when I smiled at a stranger? Or what if I gaze just a second longer when I greet someone? Little things like that are so beautiful, and fun to experiment with…
Your home is so beautiful and has such style but not a store bought kind of style, yours feels lived in and special. What kind of interior design rules do you live by?
I love what writer John O’Donohue says about Beauty: “When we feel beauty, we feel called. The beautiful stirs passion and urgency in us and calls us forth from aloneness into the warmth and wonder of an eternal embrace.”
He also writes about nature in relation to beauty. Quoting Rilke, he says:
“Rilke said that during such (difficult) times we should endeavor to stay close to nature. When the mind is festering with trouble or the heart torn, we can find healing amongst the silence of the mountains or fields, or listen to the simple, steady rhythm of waves.”
When I think about beauty in terms of Home, what resonates most are sensual things: the way sunlight falls through a window and shapes itself onto a rug; the colors of fresh fruit on a kitchen table; the scent of a hand-made bar of soap next to the bathroom sink; bed sheets made of natural fiber; love notes written on post-its; a lovingly tended houseplant; a child’s drawing taped to the fridge; or the way a gentle breeze moves through the living room window.
How do you find time away from the kids to spend with your husband?
In the mornings, before everyone wakes up, Sumter and I share a tea ceremony together. It’s a simple way of connecting and it allows us to begin the day with calm and stillness (at least, until the little ones storm in and begin the cacophony!). Given that our life often feels so chaotic, this is one of my most treasured moments of the day.
Also, we sometimes morph our daughters’ parent meetings into date nights. We really do! Which isn’t my favorite kind of date, but I’ll take what I can get ;-).
How have you been able to nurture yourself, have personal growth, and be present for your family and friends?
I love to read poetry, write, practice yoga, garden (although I’m on hiatus until we move into our new home), and practice Cha Dao, “the way of Tea.”
Can you share an ethos that you live by?
Be Here Now.
What is the firm foundation that guides the rest of your life and anchors the rest?
We are all connected. We are all One.