Today, we talk to actress and model, Krys Marshall, about something so important… listening and trusting your gut. We also talk about another thing on a lot of people’s minds… making a BIG MOVE. She mentions that the art of being female is knowing how to listen and trust your gut… we couldn’t agree more. Life’s biggest gifts have come to me in the aftermath of following my gut and having enough courage to act on those ideas and feelings. Read below on how Krys conquered her fears and hesitations and made the big move from NYC to LA.
You lived in the south, went to an art university there- then moved to NYC and have now come cross country to LA. Which has been your favorite place to live and why?
I just love LA. I really do. As a kid growing up in the south, I had these big dreams of moving to New York City and living this very cosmopolitan, international life. I imagined having friends from all over the world and zipping around Manhattan, darting from French Brasseries for dinner to late nights in Japanese dojo-style sake bars. After finishing school and moving to NYC, I did all those things and more, but there was always this curiosity about LA that I couldn’t shake. There’s a sort of “open secret” that your disdain for LA is in direct correlation with your legitimacy as a New Yorker and for a while I bought into that. But the more I visited LA and did all the cliche things like hike the hollywood sign, practice “hot yoga” and utter phrases like “my therapist says…”, the more I began to really drink the kool-aid!
What did you love about each place?
Ugh! There’s so much. Where do I begin?
In New York, I love that there’s always something to do, and somewhere to be. The close proximity of bodies in ratio to the physical space makes for a world where you’ve got constant company. Most apartments are quite small, many without much light, so you find yourself pulled into the public and once you’re out, the day can unfold in so many surprising ways. An innocent afternoon grocery run, can turn into bumping into an old school chum, piggybacking onto their evening dinner plans and ending the night at the hottest club in town with a glass of champagne in your hand, while your canvas tote of groceries melts in the corner. (True story) The city feels alive and eruptive, ever-changing and fun.
In LA, I feel like I can really hear my own voice. The houses are bigger, the sun is bright, and the pace is much slower. It’s not unusual to hike a canyon and have a wild coyote sighting be the highlight of the day. Here, I have a big kitchen and I’m excited to fill it with beautiful produce from the farmer’s market or vintage dishware I found at the Rose Bowl. In New York I’m on a constant hunt for new and unfamiliar and in LA I’m drawn towards the things I know and hold dear. My husband and I have a “Sunday Supper” tradition, where we host good friends, sometimes mingling friendship circles who typically wouldn’t have anything in common. The conversations are the thrill, however champagne is still encouraged 🙂
What did your gut say to you each time you felt ready to make a big change? How did you know? Did you feel restless? Were you scared? How did you get the courage to follow through with those leadings?
For a while I was in love with New York, but having an affair with LA. I’d go West every chance I got, playing footsie with the idea of moving, but when I looked at my life in New York I had absolutely no reason to leave; amazing friends, a huge rent-controlled apartment in a great neighborhood and a career that kept me constantly busy. Then one night while I was out with my girlfriends, I got a call from my sister. I stepped out of the noisy bar with my hand over my ear, as I tried to make out what she was saying. Our cousin, who was a 34 year old husband and father of young girls, died suddenly when a blood clot dislodged and went to his heart. A combination of melancholy and denial flooded me as I re-entered the club, shrugged off the call, and went back to partying. The next morning, I awoke with such a feeling of dread; a horrible sadness, of course for my cousin, but also a true realization that our lives are so fleeting and our days numbered. That week I gave my landlord notice, packed up my studio, and moved to LA. I was terrified, having only a handful of friends out West, and no job, apartment, or car… but I also felt such an obligation to my cousin and to myself. I made a vow that if I ever felt that pull, I would listen.
What lessons did life teach you while living in NYC? What kind of transitions did you go through there?
I think I learned how resilient I am. There were men who broke my heart so badly I thought I would never recover…. and now I can hardly remember their names. There were auditions so bad and professional opportunities so profoundly fouled up that I thought, “I’ll never get work in this town again” and I was wrong about that too. When I was a little girl I never knew I’d become the kind of woman I am today. I’m certainly not perfect and have a long way to go, but my personal strength and sheer WILL is just so damn strong, and I think a lot of that was galvanized during my time in The City.
What lessons do you think you’ll learn while in LA? What kind of transitions have you gone through here?
Even after being here for years, I still feel very challenged by LA, both personally and professionally. There are some days when I’m working on a show and I feel so important, so validated, so special. These are the days where I’m surrounded by other actors I admire, I’m playing a role I’m excited about, I’m flying first class, living in a nice hotel, ordering room service, and feeling like Eloise at the Plaza! Then there are days where I’m shuffling in 100 degree heat from audition to audition, I’m half naked in the back seat of my car, changing from “High-powered Lawyer in a Courtroom drama” to “Stay at Home Mom” for a Huggies commercial, I’m getting emails from my agents that end in “we’ll get the next one” and I finish the day stalled out in the center lane on Olympic, because I’ve run out of gas (true story!). Those are the days that are humbling, demoralizing and make you wanna throw in the towel. So I’m tryinnnnggg as best as I can to not let the highs get me too high, or the lows get me too low.
Do you think it’s easier to find a man in NYC or LA?
For me it was easier to meet men in NYC because it’s such a going-out culture. There was always something happening, and I found men in New York to be much more assertive than men in LA. It wasn’t unusual for a handsome man to order himself a cocktail and then casually gesture to me or a friend and cooly say to the bartender “and whatever she’s having.” I also loved that in New York I never felt strange popping into a restaurant alone, having a crisp glass of white wine and then carrying on with my evening. The communal and social aspects of the city made it perfect for dating.
Do you think it’s easier to find quality girlfriends in LA or NYC?
There’s a quote I love and think of often, “Be the change you seek to find.” I try to be the quality girlfriend that I want to attract and I don’t know if it’s real or in my head, but I have had such an easy time finding really wonderful female friends in both cities, by keeping this quote in mine. When I moved to LA and knew very few people, I actively sought out new girlfriends and would basically ask girls on dates! Sure I came up with a few lemons, but I’m grateful for the ladies who took me up on my proposal. I feel very lucky in that area.
Is LA your forever home or do you see other landscapes in your future ?
I definitely see LA as my forever home, but would love to always have a pied-a-terre in New York. I like being able to dip back into big city life for short stints, but have my roots and home base on the west coast.
What do you do for fun and entertainment?
We love trying new restaurants, and are big into food. I check The Infatuation on a pretty regular basis, to stay in-the-know with what ‘s new and different in the restaurant world. For our first anniversary my husband surprised me with tickets to see Dave Chapelle and Lauryn Hill at the Hollywood Bowl. I feel like one weekend is never the same as the last, and we’re constantly looking for new fun things to do.
Where are your favorite restaurants in LA?
Favorite coffee shop: Commissary , where I recently sat beside a bare-faced, ponytailed Olivia Wilde who was pattering away on her laptop beside her writing partner and I thought to myself “STARS! THEY’RE JUST LIKE US!”
Favorite Breakfast: Square One in Los Feliz. It’s so laid back it’s almost asleep, but it really feels like you’ve been invited to your cool aunt’s patio, for a sun-drenched brunch. Try the french toast, it’s life-changing.
Favorite Lunch: Cafe Gratitude or Little Pine, both vegan, both scrumptious, both places you can go dressed up or dressed down, and still fit right in.
Favorite Dinner: Right now? Bavel, in DTLA. Incredible mediterranean/middle eastern food that just kills the execution of everything. But mind you, I LOVE food, so by the time this goes to print, I’ll be on to something else.
Favorite Drinks: For a scene? The Chateau Marmont. It has always been the place where if you want the classic Hollywood experience, look no further. But nowadays you can find me on the opposite side of LA, chinatown to be exact, at a little spot called Apotheke, which has out-of-this-world cocktails, and a vibe that can’t be beat.
Favorite Dance Party: Currently the “I don’t really care, do you?” the crowd is hanging at Zebulon. It’s a real explosion of hipster energy, mixed with a dj that spins everything from Big band, to Disco to The Doors.
Do you think your personal style and interests have changed since switching coasts?
Big time. But I think that shift has equal parts to do with the city I live in, as well as the natural shift that occurs when you grow up. When I lived in New York I religiously wore my highest heels at night, attempting to compete with the 5’11 runway models. I knew the names of every doorman at every club and made it my mission to be in the mix. My personal style really reflected that as well and I spent my disposable income on luxury items and nights on the town. Now, I live a much more relaxed life and really value comfort. I still love to look and feel beautiful, but that translates to a slip dress and slides for a dinner by the water, rather than a mini-skirt and stilettos for a dinner of martini olives 🙂
How often do you get back to NYC?
Not enough! I was just back recently and had such an amazing time exploring new things and revisiting the old. On the flight home I mentally committed to spending more time there.
What do you think women stand to gain by listening to their gut?
I honestly feel like your “gut” is all you have. And for me, the “gut” has much less to do with intuition, inner-voice or a “sixth sense” and more to do with sound decision making. My mom used to say “there’s no such thing as a bad decision, if you’ve made it for the right reasons.” and I firmly believe that. For example: say you drive to dinner with the girls, have 2 glasses of wine and when it’s time to head home, you realize you’re a bit too tipsy to drive. So you leave the car, take an uber, and the next morning discover your car has been towed. At that moment you may think “Dammit! I should’ve driven home, I’m sure I’d have made it back safely, and my car wouldn’t have gotten towed.” But the truth is, you don’t know that. You could’ve been pulled over, or hurt yourself or someone else. So the moment that you chose to ditch the car and take the uber, you ABSOLUTELY made the right choice, despite the outcome. It’s impossible to see into the future or have all the answers, but using the information you have to make the best decision possible based on that information, is all you can ever ask of yourself.